An Ugly, Manipulative Side of Myself

Myself. Helping at Home. Daily To-Do List. Parts of the House. My Toys . Home&Family. Family Members We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. When To Use "Myself" And "Yourself" One standard use of the reflexive pronoun myself is when the person speaking or writing is both the subject of a sentence and its object. (It is called reflexive because it reflects the subject.). I managed to restrain myself. [direct object] I think I should give myself a pat on the back. [indirect object] Imgur ... download We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us.

2022.01.25 05:08 MyFakeProfile An Ugly, Manipulative Side of Myself

The divorce is still ongoing. We're maybe a month and a half in. It definitely feels like the stbxw has already moved on. She had a guy to fall back on who was there with open arms. I just missed connection so bad.
I've been doing anything to get my mind off of things, including confiding in a friend online that I absolutely knew had a thing for me. We met online a few years ago. I could tell right away that she was sweet on me. But at the time, I wanted to squash it before it became anything more, so I started talking about my wife when that friend was in group chats and game lobbies. After that, she immediately stopped hanging around. It wasn't long after the divorce started that the online friend crept into my memory.
I KNEW my motivations were wrong. I knew that I wasn't in a place where I should look into a relationship, that I just wanted to feel wanted again. The ink isn't even set on the divorce documents yet. I told myself I could be casual and talk to her like a friend. I knew that wasn't true. I knew she had feelings for me, and if I fed into them, I would get that wanted feeling. Fuck. And I knew that we would never work in the first place. We have differences that normally would be a deal breaker for me. But I just felt so lonely. And that fact let me look past all of that.
But I reached out to her. She was pleased and surprised to hear from me. After a few days of casual talk, she told me to tell my Mrs that she said hi. I told her about the divorce. Her tone shifted. We talked more. I confided in her. The more we talked, the more we opened up about things in our lives. I later fished to see if my suspicions about her were true. I admitted that I might have a thing for her as well. She told me she had a thing for me and had for a long while. That she never thought it was possible. I had these stupid fucking butterflies. And bingo. I felt wanted.
It then became a thing for the next few days that we would message each other constantly.
She kept pushing for more. And I would give a little more every time. And I loved it. I would justify it because *she* wanted to. And besides, we hadn't met in person. This was just a fling! A crush! It's what people do! Plus, there was a good amount of physical distance between us. What was the worst that could happen?
We told each other things we had never told other people online. It moved very very quickly. And when I say quickly, I mean this all took place over the course of two weeks. In hindsight typing this, it's clear as day what I was doing. Our conversation and attention was all I wanted. This woman who I had never met in person was just a message away, and the more we talked, the more she thought the world of me. She has a lot of shitty people in her life who put her down. There were things I thought of as common decency that were brand new to her. And frankly, she was very attractive to me.
She kept pushing for more. And I would give a little more every time. And I loved it. God I loved it. She thought the world of me. And I don't know how I felt. I knew that I was using her. But she said she didn't care. She said she wanted to make me happy. She said she wanted to make me feel what she felt. That I deserved to be happy.
I would have these, "Oh crap." moments where I realized it was going too fast, and send her a giant response saying that I wasn't ready and that we both agreed that we both just have crushes on each other. That I had huge baggage and didn't want to hurt her. That I needed to make sure this was real, and that we needed to slow down.
I know that if I was thinking right, I would have waited to reach out to her until the marriage was completely over if I actually wanted something real. Until the house was sold and the stbxw was out of my life for good. After I had had some time to lick my wounds. Or, had I been thinking right, I would have not even reached out at all because I knew it wouldn't work.
But the more we talked, the more attached to me she became. The more I thought about her. And I loved it. I fed off of it. I had to have more of it. We started staying up late talking and just asking each other questions, sharing more and more with each other.
Until I would get to the point again where I would have this moment of clarity peak out, and I would again say that I could not give her what she needed. I told her I wanted to wait until the divorce was over to find something new. That we needed to stay friends who just happened to have crushes on each other. "Crush is Crush." I told her. I didn't want to start a relationship just because I was trying to find what I wasn't getting from my stbxw. I wanted to wait to start a relationship until I knew that what I felt was real. She would ask if I wanted to stop talking completely, and I would say no. That I loved talking with her. That I just needed to say boundaries again. She said she respected whatever pacing I wanted to go at.
And then it would ramp up again. And I would feed into it. And I loved it. God I loved it.
Then things became sexual online. She admitted that she was very attracted to me. That she thought about me. That escalated very quickly. That night, she guided me on how she wanted me to do things by myself. The next night, I did the same for her. We both told the other to say the other's name during. For a little while now, sex had been dry or a chore in my marriage. This new experience was heroin, and something I had never experienced before, even though it wasn't sex.
I knew that if I kept going, I could take it as far as I wanted. And I knew I would develop more feelings too fast. That she already had. And I would make compromises. Compromises that I made 10 years ago when I met my stbxw. Things that I should not have looked past and should have dealt with. Things that this girl, unfortunately, couldn't do anything about in her own life. And I knew that each time I would have the, "Woah, we need to slow down" conversation, that it would become a little easier for me to ignore that tug.
So today, I told her that I needed to step away. That I needed to get over this divorce before even thinking about something else and that I couldn't do that if I was feeding into her. That I was lying to myself about keeping things casual and we needed to pull way back, cutting the 'crush' portion out. I told her that I needed to space out our conversations more. That we couldn't be as intimate because I didn't want to ruin finding out what could be later on. That we both deserve a real shot when we don't have garbage going on, if we came to that point.
This time was a little different. She was unsure. I told her that just because I didn't talk to her, didn't mean that she had done anything wrong. That it was me working through stuff. She said that she is the type of person that gets worried if she doesn't hear from someone. I told her if that was the case, I couldn't provide that even in a friendship, and that we should probably step away from each other.
She asked why she couldn't just be around during that time that I healed. That she could make me feel good. She could help me deal with things. That she could be all the things I needed. That if she made me happy, why she couldn't keep doing that. I was flabbergasted. I told her I just couldn't. That I couldn't just use someone who I knew was into me more than I was into them. She said she didn't care, that she wanted to be that for me. I knew that wasn't healthy. I started to see more things during that conversation that worried me. Insecurities that we both had, self worth, things that I should have recognized sooner and known to stop it before it went too far, but didn't. I very very selfishly had been ignoring them.
Finally, she said that she would let me be. She asked if she should wait for me until I was ready or if she should try and move on. I told her no. That the only way I could deal with things was if there was nothing happening and that she wasn't waiting on me. That she would go on and live her life.
I asked if she regretted sharing anything or any of the conversations we had. She said it only made her realize that the me she knows now, she adores. That was about 15 hours ago and we haven't talked since.
Fuck. This all feels so fucking Jr. High in hindsight. I hate that I was just okay messing with this girl's heart like this. I feel like a piece of shit because of it. I knew reaching out to her would be the wrong move and I did it anyway. I knew that I was only talking to her because I had a void I needed filled. I knew she had a thing for me and that I could just slip right into that fantasy.
Fucking divorce. I feel like this is a new side of myself that I have never seen before. There are so many things I feel like I have just thrown out the window. But maybe crap and reactions like this were there all along, only I am just now noticing them. It helped me to see that there are things in my marriage that I should have said something about and shouldn't have stayed silent on. And that I wanted different things than I did 10 years ago.
And that if I am not careful, my hurt can hurt other people, and I'm capable of letting it.
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2022.01.25 05:08 eklips_ Day 2 — Doing well

Going good, done my meditation and exercises. Will read books and study a bit.
good luck everyone.
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2022.01.25 05:08 Shotlegend2200 Made in onenote

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2022.01.25 05:08 FaithlessnessNo6664 Scholaship

Scholarship available join https://discord.gg/Qf6p6BN3B8
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2022.01.25 05:08 Patient_Ad6008 Nature Is Speaking – Julia Roberts is Mother Nature | Conservation Inter...

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2022.01.25 05:08 Sorin61 Deciphering the antitumoral potential of the bioactive metabolites from medicinal mushroom Inonotus obliquus , review [ 01 - 2021 ]

Aim of this review
Deciphering the antitumoral potential of the bioactive metabolites from I. obliquus and addressing its possibility to be used as effective agents for tumor treatment, restoration of compromised immunity and protection of gastrointestinal damage caused by chemotherapy.
Materials and methods
We analysed the current achievements and dilemma in tumor chemo- or immunotherapy. In this context, we searched the published literatures on I. obliquus covering from 1990 to 2020, and summarized the activities of antitumor, antioxidation, and immunomodulation by the polysaccharides, triterpenoids, small phenolic compounds, and hispidin polyphenols. By comparing the merits and shortcomings of current and traditional methodology for tumor treatment, we further addressed feasibility for the use of I. obliquus as an effective natural drug for tumor treatment and prevention.
Results
The diverse bioactive metabolites confer I. obliquus great potential to inhibit tumor growth and metastasis. Its antitumor activities are achieved either through suppressing multiple oncogenic signals including but not limited to the activation of NF-κB and FAK, and the expression of RhoA/MMP-9 via ERK1/2 and PI3K/Akt signaling pathway. The antitumor activities can also be achieved by inhibiting tyrosinase activity via PAK1-dependent signaling pathway or altering lysosomal membrane permeabilization through blocking tubulin polymerization and/or disturbing energy metabolism through LKB1/AMPK pathway. In addition, the metabolites from I. obliquus also harbour the potentials to reverse MDR either through selective inhibition on P-gp/ABCB1 or MRP1/ABCC1 proteins or the induction of G2/M checkpoint arrest in tumor cells of chemoresistant phenotypes mediated by Nox/ROS/NF-kB/STAT3 signaling pathway. In addition to the eminent effects in tumor inhibition, the metabolites in I. obliquus also exhibit immunomodulatory potential to restore the compromised immunity and protect against ulcerative damage of GI tract caused by chemotherapy.
Conclusions
I. obliquus possesses the potential to reduce incidence of tumorigenesis in healthy people. For those whose complete remission has been achieved by chemotherapy, administration of the fungus will inhibit the activation of upstream oncogenic signals and thereby prevent metastasis; for those who are in the process of chemotherapy administration of the fungus will not only chemosensitize the tumor cells and thereby increasing the chemotherapeutic effects, but also help to restore the compromised immunity and protect against ulcerative GI tract damage and other side-effects induced by chemotherapy.

Full text :
- https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378874120332037?dgcid=raven_sd_recommender_email
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2022.01.25 05:08 WoonieVerse 220125 Twitter: "Our 'POLAROID LOVE' MV (By ENGENE)" Project is now OPEN

220125 Twitter: submitted by WoonieVerse to enhypen [link] [comments]


2022.01.25 05:08 comfortable_tree_ How to avoid non-maintenance charges from bank w/o fulfilling minimum limit?

My pocket money is less than my account’s minimum required balance and this leads to me being charged a significant amount of non-maintenance fee.
The minimum required balance is 5k which means at any time I will need to have around 8k every month in my account which is not possible.
Is there a way to request the bank to forego this?
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2022.01.25 05:08 walrusdog32 If a large amount of people are mad at sweats in Fortnite, why don’t they just make a game mode where there’s a delay for building?

I don’t play fortnite
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2022.01.25 05:08 Krastijan How do you remove "chat heads" from your reddit feed on app?

So yesterday chat heads appeared on my feed and cant find a way to disable them. Any clues?
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2022.01.25 05:08 Sowneuw Bug weird pressure on photoshop

Bug weird pressure on photoshop Hello,
Since almost 2 years I have a problem of pressure on photoshop. My tablet is a G430s by XP PEN and I'm using the last version of photoshop
I'm sorry, i'm not an english speaker so it's very hard to me to explain myself but I have already posts a lot on french forums and this is my last chance
When I draw I do blending but with this problem I can't do it anymore, the lines don't blend with each other

https://preview.redd.it/jbay6bkkesd81.png?width=200&format=png&auto=webp&s=6e77ecb3474652c07c829fbb6533c31fdc62c2c4
In this drawing, usually I would be able to blend the strokes in 2 brush strokes but how you can see the line just overlap
I've been from this
(an old drawing)
to this
https://preview.redd.it/k926ehs4fsd81.png?width=579&format=png&auto=webp&s=e243438185a92b5a5a30eb8bf20d98baa55c28c9
I really did my best to reproduce the old drawing, I did the exact same thing that I did before, the pressure just acts weird
That's not the first time it happens to me but before it goes after I reinstall photoshop or my brushes but now nothing works. I never had this problem for so long...
First I thought that maybe I have forget how to draw, idk, but sometimes it goes back to normal (like, 2 days ago it goes back to normal after I buyed an Huion) and then I can draw like before, that's how I know the problem is not from me
I tried everything I could: I buy new tablets (XP PEN G430s, XP PEN Artist 12, XP PEN Deco fun XS, Wacom intuos s, Huion inspiroy H640P, and more) , I changes my computer, but the problem keep following me
I wrote on the photoshop forum and no one could help me, I wrote to the support of XP Pen and they keep telling me to uninstall the tablet and reinstall it..... Like that not the FIRST THING I think of doing when I have an issue with it -_-
I think the problem is photoshop, I tried to go back in older version but nothing change (or it change for some minutes or hours and the issue come back)
When the issue go, it come back sometimes in the middle of a drawing I am doing. Like, I can't blend anymore, the brush stroke don't blend with each other anymore, or it demand more effort
I feel like this problem is progressive, because when it go and it starts coming back it don't come back at once, I feel like it's harder to draw and then I understand what is hapenning
I tried the PSUserCongfig thing too
I'm not the only one having this issue, I saw in forums people having the same but no one could help them and they had no solutions
I hope I was understable and someone will help me, I'm completely desesperate, drawing is all my life and it's been 2 years I can't draw properly... I'm use to post 1 drawing per day but now I can only achieve a drawing all, like, 5 months, when the problem goes away for a bit...
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2022.01.25 05:08 bobinhozinho vibin to molchat doma rn hby'all?

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2022.01.25 05:08 AungAlvin Using crypto or simply having a VPN can get you in prison in Myanmar.

I don't really care about crypto that much but going to jail because of a VPN is just stupid. The worst part is that there are military checkpoints in various places that will check your phone. If they find a Vpn or any content against them, you will be in big trouble. Dammit, I've been stuck in my house for 2 years, why can't I just have a normal teenage life without worrying about the government tracking my activity. Life's unfair, I guess.
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2022.01.25 05:08 iamcalifw 🚀 Welcome to MetaDoge Introducing a crypto-yielding a decentralized token with amazing futures ⭐️ Renounced Ownership - GEM x1000 moonshot | LP Locked 1 year

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Renounced Ownership : https://bscscan.com/address/0xEEAEBd1B1d4a5594c420f0c4876e9b0ede4F3838#readContract
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2022.01.25 05:08 DankuBot me_irl

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2022.01.25 05:08 pikachuswayless I can't believe they're still dragging this out.

Are they seriously going to wait until the last possible minute to release the final set of costumes? I really hope they don't drip-feed content in the next Jump game too. Overall I love Jump Force and hope the next game uses UE5, gets waaay more more support, has an incredible roster and pleases everyone.
Pease never drip-feed us again.
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2022.01.25 05:08 Pippost_official Is Social Media Giving Off Hints of ContextLogic’s Fissures? - Read more on PipPost

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2022.01.25 05:08 pmz The data type Set in Python

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2022.01.25 05:08 Tadeo111 Dying Light: The Following - PART 25 - Playthrough - 4K 60fps

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2022.01.25 05:08 lss_mobile_mod_06 Unpopular Opinion: Amazon India UI and search tools are dogshit

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2022.01.25 05:08 Dry-Revolution9754 Cheap Running Shoes? (Beginner)

I am looking to get in shape and so I have just started running.
I don't have shoes that are suitable for running, and I am also a beginner so I don't need anything fancy.
If anyone could recommend a cheap pair of running shoes I would appreciate it.
Thanks!
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2022.01.25 05:08 toastyjam1 Do girls look at a boys package when passing?

Girls of Reddit (if you exist) do you notice or look at a boys junk/package/meat & 2 veg when you’re walking past? Or in general public areas like the gym?
If yes, is there any specific clothing you notice or appreciate them more?
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2022.01.25 05:07 Mr_Panda009 Sauce: The Golden Haired Wizard

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2022.01.25 05:07 ultilegshowshin Custom zanes titan mech mini

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2022.01.25 05:07 -en- @Reuters: Bigger spend needed for net-zero world than assumed - McKinsey https://t.co/f0mA7NFQKH https://t.co/v3K9JkO8ic

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